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Post by Mishael on Jul 12, 2014 9:40:11 GMT -8
I finally had a chance to read Docboy's character snippet. Excellent! I enjoyed it immensely. I like the information revealed in it - just enough to show really how bad the situation is. Oh, also, thank you, Kaiser, for your kind words.  |
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Post by Docboy on Jul 16, 2014 10:01:46 GMT -8
SO!! Late, I know, but better late than never! Snippet reviews!
Austin/Westle.
I have to say, your bit is awesome. I like how Westle doesn't come out and say his backstory. Who is he? Where is he from? What does he want? We don't know...he just IS. It's going to be fun getting to know him.
Drahcir/Aether
I really like the introspective/reflective tone of your character. Aether seems to put his best foot forward right now, and I am appreciating how we're getting to see him as he is, right now. The way he's written, I think, will allow us to see how his character develops as the story goes. I'm liking Aether's thinking enough that I can't wait until he gets some dialogue in.
Now, I understand that he's seeking to make a reputation for himself rather than ride his father's, and I get they have differing viewpoints about the world. What I want to know is what makes the father's viewpoint (and to an extend, the father himself) so distasteful to Aether? Looking forward to more!
Aquinas/Sylvester
Buddy, you've got the dialogue down. Dialogue is the hardest thing for me to write, but you've got it down. I was off my chair, leaning on the desk and laughing my fool head off. Don't believe me? Ask Cyphir about my laughing fits.
"Oh my..."
But what you've done is introduce a truly unique character, VERY different from the rest of us. IS he REALLY a bad guy? What does "Plunge into darkness" mean in the current story? This may be the first prophecy I've read where the outcome is up in the air - either the prophet is a raving lunatic or Sylvester is a really bad dude. Other stories you can tell from the get go. But the Millingville family is funny enough but so dead serious that it could go either way. Props!!
Mishael/Kamina
What I love about your character is that she's so low key, at least right now. All of the other characters, mine included, have some element of tragedy or combat-ness, or both. Yours, right now, is simply going back home. She has a jewel that I assume is a quintessence rune, so there are harbingers of awesomeness, but right now she really is simply going home. I really want to know more about *her* now. Not her story, *her*. Well written!!
mk/Lenzen
Yours might be my favorite so far. I was going to give my character a university start until I read yours, and you did it so well that everything I tried to write from that viewpoint was a copy, so I had to change mine. It's intriguing from the get-go. I love how Lenzen is somewhat hesitant to take on the role he's been assigned, and I love how his task determination is shining through already. What are the crystals? Has Lenzen developed some sort of laser?
Iron Kaiser/Chres Harwick
Like Cyphir, I was immediately bored and groaning at the cliche of it all with a depression so great that I was simultaneously googling the locations of bridges and high buildings with which to sooth my agony.
And then the end.
Fascinating!!!! What I want to know most of all is what would make someone as dedicated as Chres ( as well as apparently powerful, in a gauntlet-y way...) put that all down? He obviously still keeps it close, but why neglect the guardian? Those gauntlets are obviously serious firepower. Why? I'm looking forward to more!
Last but not least, Lenor/Lady Brandia
At this point I don't know her well enough to say, but Brandia is intriguing. She's not mysterious per se, not like Westle, but she obviously has some sort of network, a group she's working with. She's not a combatant primarily, at least as far as I can tell. She brings more money than firepower. She is maybe some sore of Tallandian "Robin Hood?" At this point I know little and less, but she is fascinating. I want to see what she does with those bags of moolah!!
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jul 23, 2014 22:42:47 GMT -8
I was immediately bored and groaning at the cliche of it all with a depression so great that I was simultaneously googling the locations of bridges and high buildings with which to sooth my agony. Geez, thanks, DB! Glad to know you've got my back! :{p Well, I enjoyed Victor's snippet a lot, and thought it was fantastic. :{p Seriously, though, Victor's great. I think you've got a fantastic angle to the story, what with the Greenwood Ranger, monster-focused side of things (at least at first). I'm really looking forward to getting Chres and Victor into the same room, and not entirely because in our previous roleplay we were rivals who never actually interacted with each other directly. :{) Sorry I haven't been on in a little while, guys. I've been swamped with some very, very important work on my end. But I do have another post ready to go at any moment! I've just finished PMing a few interested parties, and will hopefully be posting very soon. It's not changing up too much, though, so if you're holding back and waiting for me to post, by all means go ahead. Personally, I'm really wanting to see where Brandia or Victor are heading. |
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Post by mk on Jul 29, 2014 8:14:18 GMT -8
*knock knock*
OI! I'm gone for two weeks only to find that poor Kaiser and Docboy are the only ones keeping this thing alive? Where are all of you? Wakey wakey, summers a' wastin'!
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jul 29, 2014 9:28:22 GMT -8
Probably my fault, mk. I suspect everyone was waiting for me to post before jumping in, but I had a bunch of school keeping me from posting for a good long while, until recently. But yeah, we need some more posts up in here! Bring on the stories!
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Post by Lenor on Jul 29, 2014 15:23:18 GMT -8
Welcome home, MK!!! I missed you! I've loved everyone's story posts so far, and this last one of Kaiser's was especially great, as we finally had a character collision. I don't know if this happened for anyone else, but Kaiser's post didn't show up in my email––I only saw it by coming to the site. Might explain the silence.  I've been brainstorming a story post, but when I finally get it out, it'll be in Kennisalia, so anyone working on an installment can go ahead. Kaiser, I really have worked on those character snippet changes we discussed! Promise! I was really close to finally finishing up when "Safari quit unexpectedly." Note to self: from now on, always write in the word processor. Soooo, I'll redo what I did, and then get those changes out. I can't wait to see what the Riverside Respite trio has up their collective sleeve! (At least, I have the feeling you three are plotting something…) |
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jul 29, 2014 18:36:12 GMT -8
Yes, we all missed you, MK! Welcome back! By all means, tell us how your trip went! Lenor, I suspect we only get emails to the threads we've already taken part in. Once you've posted in the story thread, you'll get the emails. And I've learned it the hard way, too: always write in a word processor. The internet will shut down on you at the worst moments. And save, too, because you'll always lose power right when you're putting up the finishing touches! I can't wait to see what the Riverside Respite trio has up their collective sleeve! (At least, I have the feeling you three are plotting something…) Plotting? Would we do that? You're paranoid... :{j |
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Post by Mishael on Jul 29, 2014 19:53:27 GMT -8
I had been waiting for Kaiser since I knew he had something he wanted to post. And I know Drahcir is working on something as well.
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Post by Drahcir on Jul 29, 2014 20:09:41 GMT -8
Waiting on Kaiser again. *sigh* He's -always- holding up the show. *taps foot Sonic-style*
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Post by mk on Jul 30, 2014 13:49:32 GMT -8
Hahaha, you guys are funny. Really, I know these things ebb and flow, so I was jesting....mostly, anyways....
My trip was fantastic! Sam (the little brother) and I biked across northeastern Iowa on bikes and put on a music/skit/puppet show program for 7 different churches with 38 other crazy peppy people. It was a great experience, partnering with other believers and showering with hoses outside in swimsuits and learning how to pack up your entire life every morning in 15 minutes. I have lots of crazy stories, not the least of which involve toothpaste Oreos and night watchman pumpkins; also have a ton of fantastic stories of people being brought closer to The Lord and kids getting serious about their faith. I probably said some of the worst goodbyes in a long time on Monday - to people I'd known less than two weeks! (I felt bad for the two guys sitting next to me on the car ride back - let's just say they weren't exactly dry by the end) Still, I'm definitely loving being home - especially to get back into Talland with you lovely people!
Speaking of which - I do have justification for not posting yet. There are great plans in the works. *villainous finger tapping*
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Post by Drahcir on Jul 30, 2014 16:41:43 GMT -8
Please, if you feel up to it, we would be delighted to hear your stories. The Night Seraph was originally created for such stories. ^_^ But indeed, welcome back.
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jul 30, 2014 20:36:27 GMT -8
Waiting on Kaiser again. *sigh* He's -always- holding up the show. *taps foot Sonic-style* Hey, you're the one who wanted to hold off and wait for my opinion. Not my fault you didn't post it earlier. :{p [Edit: Review on new story stuff forthcoming...] |
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Post by Lenor on Jul 31, 2014 14:13:11 GMT -8
Lenor, I suspect we only get emails to the threads we've already taken part in. Oh right…it did say that in settings, didn't it?  |
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Aug 1, 2014 5:43:08 GMT -8
It just means you need to go ahead and contribute to the story thread! 8{D Can't wait for more Brandia stuff!
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Post by mk on Aug 1, 2014 13:25:59 GMT -8
YES MORE BRANDIA!!! *cough cough* Ahem.
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Post by Lenor on Aug 1, 2014 17:59:25 GMT -8
Howdy, all! Just FYI, I altered some largish things in Brandia's character snippet (starting at "Brandia fingered her hair away from her brow again."). The gist of it is the same, but Kaiser pointed out a few things in Kennis' plot that didn't make sense. Said things are now fixified. By the way, I'd like to thank you all for your encouraging response to the snippet and your friendly welcome into the world of rp! I've really enjoyed everyone's posts and characters so far (although some of them are going to drive Brandia nuts). Hopefully I'll have a story post up soon. Ta-ta for now! |
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Post by mk on Aug 6, 2014 19:45:53 GMT -8
I promise I'm working on my chapter, y'all. It's just...taking a while to, well, not reek with lameness. Patience awards go to Kaiser and Drahcir, who have mulled through a few of my many drafts already. (side note to Lenor - Eddie is being vicious and mean - I think he's bitter from neglect these past few weeks. It hurts.)
Hopefully it will be up soon. Just wanted to mention this in case someone was "waiting their turn" because I'd posted earlier about having something up soon. By all means - cut in line!
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Aug 9, 2014 9:59:40 GMT -8
REVIEW TIIIIIIME! 8{D
First off, Lenor, thanks for the small edits. Everything looks fantastic, and going over your snippet again reminds me of how great your writing is and how much fun Brandia is/will be. I can't wait for her to join the main story!
Drahcir, I'm somewhat envious of you. Your chapter is the first one to really have two main characters interacting, and it was fun to watch your spin on Chres. The monster attack was fantastic. Very visceral. You nicely set up the serve for mk.
Speaking of, fantastic post, mk! There's too much to compliment in this passage. Fantastic descriptive work, and great writing of all three main characters. I'm taking notes from you on how to do dread right. For whatever reason, I love the little bit about the cable gun shutting the door closed. I won't drone on, but suffice it to say, I loved it.
With that in mind, I have a question. When I next post, Chres will obviously be finishing up the drama over at the Riverside Respite. Now, I've noticed that several players haven't posted yet, and I'm wondering if they're waiting for Ridgewood proper to be introduced first before jumping in. Thus the question. Would you like for me to do an extra long post next, covering the R.R., the last leg of the trip to Ridgewood, and then intro into Ridgewood some? Or would everyone prefer that I keep to the normal size post and get into Ridgewood later? I don't mind either way, and if it would help anyone out...
Alternatively, I could post some details about Ridgewood, if you're planning on posting in Ridgewood imminently. It might help fill in some details and aid your imaginations.
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Post by Mishael on Aug 9, 2014 12:27:15 GMT -8
Mine will next been seen in Ridgewood, so I'm fine with you finishing this up (for my part).
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Aug 10, 2014 19:28:20 GMT -8
Okay, so this is what I've decided to do. I've updated the Basic Facts of the World thread with a new heading on important locations in the world. Specifically, I've put in some information on Ridgewood that may prove useful to anyone wanting to go ahead and jump into the city. As I see it, there are three interesting features of Ridgewood right now.
-Ridgewood is a lumber capital. I'm imagining most of the buildings, the city walls, the weapons, everything is probably very wood-oriented.
-Ridgewood is housing fighters from all over the world right now. Amaranthian clerks are daily registering in new men. Many fighters travel in groups, and others operate as lone wolves, but many are showing up in Ridgewood and hoping to band together with other would-be heroes (or perhaps trying to find new allies after losing their old ones in prior battles). The tales that can be told outside of the hunt are at least as interesting as the ones in it. One small example: no one knows where these monsters are coming from. Could the source be inside one of the nearby forests, or up in the mountain range? Or somewhere else? Every sellsword has to make his own decision of where to go, and whether to follow the crowd or stake out your own path (and make yourself more vulnerable). There's a lot of possibilities to explore, should one look into this aspect of Ridgewood.
-Obviously, Ridgewood is under attack by monsters. More importantly, Ridgewood has been dealing with this threat for a while now. It's had an effect on the people.
Maybe this will help you get a feel for the city. By all means, please. You (by whom I mean, anyone and everyone) should feel free to jump right into Ridgewood. Please don't feel the need to tag along and wait for the Chres/Aether/Lenzen train to arrive first.
Also, is there anything anyone would like to know about any part of Talland? Or any articles they want added to the information page?
Finally, let's have a contest! I've purposefully left the Ridgewood mountain range unnamed. That's because I want your input! Who can come up with the best name for the nearby mountains?
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