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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jun 17, 2014 18:48:56 GMT -8
This thread is for general talk about Talland. Want to comment about where the story is right now? Have ideas about where the story can go from here, or how awesome it would be if X showed up? It goes here!
This is also the place to announce that you're working on a chapter. We want to keep a steady stream of content flowing, so try to post here when you're working on a contribution, and actually post it within a week or so of letting us know.
Oh, and a personal suggestion - I think it's in everybody's writing nature to keep lots of secrets about what they're writing, so that the story is as new to everyone as possible. But trust me, I think it will actually be more fun for everyone if we don't play all our cards so close to the chest, and instead try to share as much as we can with each other. It's way more fun to write when you're doing it with others, and if you can get into writing alongside other people, borrowing ideas off each other and planning out next steps with each other, then you'll get the most fun out of Talland.
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jun 17, 2014 18:56:05 GMT -8
So, I'll kick off this thread with my own comments. I'm very, highly excited to start this roleplay with you all, and can't wait for everyone's character snippets and story contributions to start rolling in!
For my own part, I still haven't written the character snippet yet. I'm still trying to figure out how to approach it. But I do have a pretty good idea of how I want to start my first story post. In short, my character will be riding on horseback or walking on foot from Dashale to Ridgewood in Amaranth. I'm thinking it would be pretty neat if he met up with one of the other characters on the way there, and we could walk into Ridgewood together. That's not to say we'd spend the whole RP stuck side-by-side, we could split off once we got there. But anyway, is anybody interested in working out a dual-introduction/team-up thing on the way to Ridgewood, and would be near the Dashale-Amaranth border area?
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Post by Drahcir on Jun 19, 2014 20:54:03 GMT -8
Yes, I particularly like the part about the continuum.
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jun 20, 2014 18:37:02 GMT -8
*facepalm* Drahcir, you're the worst. :{p
Now that we've got some content in, I just want to say that I'm really impressed with everything I've seen so far!
Cyphir, you do a fantastic job showing us so much about Westle while leaving just as much up to mystery, and leaving us wanting more. On the one hand, it's obvious that Westle's an excellent thief with a penchant for shiny objects, proficient with the knife, and not afraid to cut, or perhaps even kill, anyone who gets in his way. (By the way, I love how you leave so much of what he does up to one's own imagination. It makes the pace snappy and really lends to an aura of mystery and dread around the character). On the other hand, so many questions are raised for those looking for them. For example, do you go into so much detail on the medallion merely to demonstrate Westle's keen eye, or is there a more important meaning behind the avian brooch? What schematics did Westle steal, and what's his relationship with Issa and her group? It all suggests that Westle might just be more than a simple, selfish brigand, though nothing's definitive. That's the brilliance of your first post.
Drahcir, your snippet is perfect in the second place, since Aether contrasts so strongly with Westle. Aether has a definitive background, motivation, and goals. I think that while Westle's a fascinating character because of the mystery surrounding him, Aether really stands out precisely because of how much we know of him right from the start. His flagrant idealism is certainly the defining trait. I love how you transition from the purely physical effects of the sun's glare to the vivid imagery comparing the sun to his own worldview. It's really effective in establishing Aether's character. Then there's the interesting contrast between the coat, filled with medals, and the weapons that have barely been used. One begins to imagine there's quite a story behind Aether's trip, and whatever it is will no doubt be fascinating.
Aquinas, how many praises can I laud onto your introductory post? There's so much right with Sylvester. The best thing has to be your dialogue. The back and forth between father and son was absolutely brilliant, and truly had me laughing. You did a great job seamlessly establishing the well-to-do nature of the Millingville's while maintaining focus on Sylvester's story. The spot-on vocabulary is one example, but also Mr. Flickworth's accident. Now, perhaps it was simply an embarrassing affair which led him to quit, but at least when I first read the snippet, it seemed more like Mr. Flickworth had been seriously injured, at least. Yet the Millingville's speak of it in terms of business, rather than the fate of the man first. Again, I could be reading the whole scene wrong, but it struck me that the Millingville's are just above it all. And then, there's the revelation that average little Sylvester may be destined to become the most powerful, evil sorcerer Talland has ever seen?! Oh, Sylvester is going to be good.
Yes, I'm loving everyone's characters so far. Indeed, it's making me question my own material. See, I pushed out the prologue pretty quickly so that everything would be in place for people to review and begin the creative process, but in the face of all this excellence, it just doesn't stand up! I'm probably going to end up editing it some to stand up at least a little bit better with your guys' stuff. Oh, I'm definitely taking inspiration from you guys as I write my own character snippet.
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Post by mk on Jun 25, 2014 18:38:41 GMT -8
Hello all! Please call me Mikayla. Yes, that's my real name. *gaspeth*
I'm very unfamiliar with roleplay, forums, and collaboration in general, so please help me out! I think I already got a name or two wrong in my character snippet (sorry Kaiser). I'm very excited to do this, but of course I want to do it right. Please don't hesitate to send me a PM or call me out if I step on someone's toes. Cyphir, typos do not count.
Kaiser and Cyphir know this already, but I just thought I'd make an announcement up front that I'll be gone for two weeks in July (15-29), so I'm going to have to bow out for that time. I can keep up with the forum postings and maybe a PM or two, but chances are microscopic that I'll have a chance to write out a whole scene as I won't have computer access during that time.
For those of you who've read my snippet, Lenzen is alive and his prototype operational if damaged. He's going to be on the run for reals now. Drahcir and Kaiser - if you two want to kinda figure out your own thing before letting the newbie hop on that's fine by me, but once you get things going I think it'd be great for Lenzen to stumble into your group.
Anyways, super encouraged by y'alls character snippets. Such a relief to do this with people that can, you know - write. I think we have a really good blend of characters here and it's going to be very interesting seeing how this whole roleplay-thing works.
**EDIT** I have a very, very bad tendency to push "enter" before I'm actually done with a post. It kinda drives my friends crazy. So, if my post ends with a half-finished sentence or on a weird note, give me a minute. It'll take me a second to stop banging my head against the keyboard.
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jun 25, 2014 21:02:15 GMT -8
Mikayla, welcome to The Night Seraph boards! I'm as excited as you are, and can't wait to watch this story and world grow! It's awesome to have you aboard.
"I'm very unfamiliar with roleplay, forums, and collaboration in general, so please help me out! I think I already got a name or two wrong in my character snippet (sorry Kaiser). I'm very excited to do this, but of course I want to do it right."
I think most of us are in the same boat, so no worries! And I didn't see any misspells at all! Maybe I missed something. Did you have a particular name in mind?
"I'll be gone for two weeks in July (15-29), so I'm going to have to bow out for that time. I can keep up with the forum postings and maybe a PM or two"
Not a problem. One of the best parts about this board/game/roleplay is that it's very flexible with your own schedule. Personal suggestion - maybe you want your character to team up with another, and you can work out some things with another author so that he/she can write Lenzen and keep him involved in the story even as you're gone. But that's up to you.
"Drahcir and Kaiser - if you two want to kinda figure out your own thing before letting the newbie hop on that's fine by me, but once you get things going I think it'd be great for Lenzen to stumble into your group."
Hey, that'd be fantastic! Right now, there is no Drahcir and Kaiser group, but there very well could be. Indeed, we could all end up grouping up and entering into Ridgewood as one giant "fellowship." But that might rob some of the players of opportunities, I don't know. In any event, I'm entertaining the idea of writing up a two-part introduction with a second player, though who I don't know yet. I'd rather pick somebody whose really new to this whole thing, which I guess you are (though your work so far is awesome), and your character would have to be between Dashale and Ridgewood in order to run into me.
Drahcir, are you interested in teaming up with another player for a chapter or two? Anybody else want to team up with whoever?
"Anyways, super encouraged by y'alls character snippets. Such a relief to do this with people that can, you know - write. I think we have a really good blend of characters here and it's going to be very interesting seeing how this whole roleplay-thing works."
Me too. I can't tell you how jazzed I am at everyone's quality and characters. Actually, I'm slightly intimidated by it. Looking at everybody else's work, and then looking at the prologue I quickly whipped up... it looks like a pretty stark contrast in quality to me. I just know I'm not going to be happy with that prologue until I up the quality some. Hopefully my character snippet is a lot better. (PS: I'd really appreciate it if anybody could chime in and either confirm or deny my suspicions on that front.)
On to more reviews!
Mikayla, fantastic opening. As with every character so far, I'm fascinated by Edelreich and his story. Like every character so far, he's so unique! A fugitive on the run! A magic-knowledgable high-tech weilder and engineer(That is what he is, right?)! Yes! There's plenty of room for Mr. Lenzen on this train! (Now I can't get "The Fugitive" out of my head. "I didn't kill my wife!" "I don't care!")
What I appreciate the most about what you've done (and what everybody is doing) is taking the story and the world by the horns. Vehria (spelling?), the whole division of KM and Vehrian crystals are completely new concepts, not to mention whatever these KM models are and who they're working for. (PS: Unless by Vehrian you mean the Vehn Empire. That's probably what you mean, and I misunderstood when I first read it. But Vehrian sounds as good of an adjective for the Vehn as I can think of?). There's a lot with which you can play, and I can't wait to see how you continue his story.
I also really like how you decided to make your snippet a rather action oriented piece. It really makes your character stand out, and (as far as he's concerned) sets things in motion now. He's not on a leisurely stroll to Ridgewood, he's running and gunning for his life right from the start!
As for my own snippet, again, I just hope it stands up to all the talent I've seen so far. A thousand apologies for dipping slightly over the 1,000 word limit, but given the scope of what I was shooting for, it couldn't really be helped. Everyone's done such unique things with their snippets, and I was determined to be just as novel. I wanted to do a couple of things with my snippet. First, I thought it would be unique to jump back in time four years to the Kennisalian invasion of the Ryn desert, and give a little bit more context and history to that area and those events. Second, I really wanted to try beginning Chres' story with some rather emotional scenes, both in the lost temple and afterwards, in the classroom. And of course, I wanted to portray Chres as exciting and interesting of a character to everyone else as he is to me, and as everyone else's characters are to me. Hopefully, I hit all the right chords. I'd love some feedback (andvalidationpleasedon'tkillme).
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Post by mk on Jun 26, 2014 7:13:10 GMT -8
Thanks for the welcome! Glad to be aboard.
Gah! I knew I was going to do that! Yes, by "Vehr" I mean the "VehN Empire". Sorry for the confusion.
Really enjoyed your snippet, Kaiser. Your concerns that you don't measure up are completely unfounded, especially because I'm pretty sure that you have been pretty instrumental in creating Talland in the first place. World-creating alone is on another whole level. Let me say I'm so glad someone went the treasure hunter route (in a way). I also love your use of time skip. This isn't an ignorant, hopeful young hero on the move but a young scholar who's already decided that he's old. I'm especially excited to see where Max and Ana are now, even though I'm pretty sure the answer is going to make me sad and wanting more. Your writing has given me a lot of sympathy for your character, and I see a lot of room for change in him - great qualities to convey in 1,000 words (or so).
On that note - I totally understand going over the word limit. I kinda wince when I look over my snippet because there's sooooo much more that I wanted to say about Lenzen and his background as a scientist from the Vehn Empire (just cementing it in my brain). I probably took out...2,500 words from my original snippet. Ya, talk about bad estimation.
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Post by Mishael on Jun 26, 2014 8:00:41 GMT -8
You did an excellent job, Kaiser! No need to feel so nervous. I really enjoyed reading your snippet, and like mk, I have a bad feeling about what happened to Max and Ana. I am very curious to learn more! I think everyone has done a great job and look forward to reading more.  |
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Post by Lenor on Jun 26, 2014 9:13:52 GMT -8
Hi there! I'm Louisa, a friend of Mikayla's. She email-introduced me to Cyphir a couple of months ago, and he invited me to join the role-play (Thank you!). That's how I got here.  I'm completely new to role-plays…and forums, so I'll likely need a bunch of directing. I'm really looking forward to this, though; Talland and all these characters have me intrigued. Hopefully I'll post my character snippet sometime today or tomorrow (I still need her name and a more solidified idea of how to introduce her). Thanks for letting me join in, everyone! This promises to be fun! |
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Post by Mishael on Jun 26, 2014 10:14:50 GMT -8
Welcome to Lenor and mk (since I haven't said that yet to you, mk!). We're really glad you're here, and I hope we can all build some new friendships. |
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Post by Cyphir on Jun 26, 2014 11:24:43 GMT -8
ohboythisisgonnabealongpost
So! SNIPPET REVIEWS~! *insert fanfare*
-- First on the list: Cyphir, you're just incredible with how you spin your words please teach me your ways. =P However, I will note something here. Beyond the community interaction aspect, I'm largely participating in this as a writing exercise. With that in mind, please feel free to critique anything I write to whatever degree you'd like. Really, I don't mind if you just call me out for writing a dreadful post, or if I'm just not writing an interesting character, or what-have-you. Anything is fair game, as far as I'm concerned, as it's all to help me get better. So in other words: Authorization to use Claws on Cyphir = OK.
-- Drahcir. I liked the part about the continuum. Yeah. Moving on.
-- Aquinas. So, let's talk about--*burninated with fire from the innards of a very mithrily dragon*
-- ...*coughs out smoke* Uh, okay. Back to Drahcir for a mo'. I'll echo Kaiser's comments about him contrasting very well with Westle, but also add that the most interesting thing about him is how I know a lot about him, but I don't really know him. By that, I mean that there's virtually no dialogue in his intro. Not that that's a bad thing, as now I'm very interested to see him in the RP-proper. As it stands, I've got a good picture of this youthful upstart who fancies himself a hero. Now I just want to see how he reacts once the world hits back. =) On a more structural level, I do like how the point-of-view reflects his idealism, in that it can tend to wax poetic. Walking into the sun and feeling the warmth, etc. It's a good use of narrative.
-- Well, after that interruption... *brushes soot from shoulder* Aquinas, our dear resident patron saint and also apparently world-conqueror. Wo~onderful... *starts making plans to create bomb shelter*
Right off the bat, I love your dialogue. It perfectly encapsulates the quirky styles of the Millingville family. Or at least the men. And you actually made me laugh, so that's a huge plus. Kaiser's points largely echo my own, with the clever juxtaposition of the Millingville's seemingly disarming nature and simple lifestyle complete with what seems to be a total lack of care that a person was seriously injured (or at least, that's how I read it). I quite like how you're not afraid to say potentially bold things about the story and how your chracter fits in. I'm very interested to see where Sylvester goes.
-- First off, Mishael, shame on Kaiser for not giving you feedback on your chapter. Shame, forsooth!
Like Drahcir's character snippet, there's very little dialogue in this snippet, but unlike Drahcir's, your character is far more of a mystery. There are least three different aspects of this character that makes me think "...huh, wonder what that's about." Heck, I think your character might be more mysterious than Westle! =P Somewhat sadly, there's not a whole lot to say about this, since so much is left for future endeavors, but that's where the excitement is. I want to know what happens to your character! Your description is well-written, and you do well in the beginning to give us a picture of the character without it being a list. IE having the wind rustle her hair and telling us through that what color it is, rather than just saying "HEY, SHE'S GOT SOME YELLOW HAIR."
-- Really enjoyed your snippet, MK (speaking of which, if you want your name to be capitalized, you can do that in the settings. Just hit Profile-Edit Profile-Personal-Display Name. Unless, of course, you want to remain a lower-case peon). Character interaction was great, as was the description. You've got a solid writing voice, and just from the beginning, you've got a line of dialogue that snaps the reader right into the scene. In two paragraphs, we're there. I was going to point out your repeated use of "Professor Aram" as a negative, but then you managed to prove me wrong with the follow-up scene. Without saying a thing beyond dropping "Professor," you're able to imply that a bond has developed between these two. Bravo. I think that's one thing I liked most about your snippet: you tell me a lot and get me connected to these characters, while leaving so much open to build upon. I mean, for example, that bond in the end didn't seem to mean that much, as Lenzen's reaction to his death is more scientific than emotional. And that's perfect, as what exactly that means for the character is left in the air, so now I'm very curious to see who this Lenzen guy really is. ...I am gonna have to subtract points for that lamoid title, though. =P (To note, the whole titling thing was just something I came up with and it seems to have caught on. No one needs to do it, if they don't want to. I just like to. =) )
Also, these assassin robots are basically glorified werewolves, aren't they? Wild, fierce opponents who seem to prefer close-combat and they need a silver-enhanced weapon to kill them? Mmm-hmm. Robot werewolves. =P
-- kaiser what what is this this is awful go home and be a family man i mean come on--*burninated with fire from the innards of a very mithrily dragon* OH COME ON! I wasn't even talking about you! Drahcir? More like Jerkcir! *grabs scraper to scratch off more soot*
Well, you've already heard a lot of my thoughts on your snippet outside of the forum, but to repeat a few of them here: My favorite part of your character is how you set up this false picture in the beginning. I was rolling my eyes at several parts in the beginning. "Oh, here's this great guy. Oh, he's the 'chosen one.' Journey, save the world, and get the girl. Oh wait, he already has her, since she's practically falling over him already. Greeeaaatttt." And then NOPE. It's the future, and fate seems to have failed the hero of the story. Furthermore, "the story" didn't turn out the way it "should" have. Like the others, I imagine there might have been some casualties in regards to Max and Ana (whether strictly physical or not remains to be seen). It's that contrast that works so well for Chres, and he's brimming with potential once the story actually kicks in. Points deducted for going way over 1,000 words, though. =P Of course, nobody here cares and neither do I. Writing's writing, and the RP's not supposed to be some stingy experience. BUT, I do think one of the cool challenges these character snippets provided was forcing oneself to write within a certain limit so... point deduction sustained. *bangs gavel*
*It's probably good to note for those who don't know, anybody I pick on here I know quite well personally, and we're well-acquainted in the art of banter. Both parties. So I'm not trying to be a jerk, I swear. =)
And welcome, Lenor! Glad to have you aboard!
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Post by mk on Jun 26, 2014 16:22:01 GMT -8
LENOR! *flytacklehug* I've been eagerly waiting to see you here! I'm curious as to how you chose your username - feeling "sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore"? (Yes, I'm totally enjoying being off Poehibition - you have my eternal gratitude, creepy cover aside) Ahem, inside jokes aside, thanks for the welcome all - especially Mishael. Looking forward to getting to know you all. Cyphir, I was going to change my username to uppercase, but now that you've said something I'd say it's just grand and perfect. As for my title -  I spent five minutes staring blankly at the screen and then just said, "Gah, whatever - I'm going to bed." On a more serious note, thanks for your comments. They were extremely helpful. You caught pretty much all the subtle things I wanted to convey and then some. They even gave me some inspiration for Lenzen's future! |
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Post by Lenor on Jun 26, 2014 17:07:21 GMT -8
Volleyball teeth to you, mk!  While I enjoy the incidental Poe reference in the username, I chose it because 'lenor' is Welsh for 'writer'. Tada! Cymraeg Vocabulary Word of the Day. If you want to say "I'm a writer," it's "Dw i'n lenor." |
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Post by Mishael on Jun 26, 2014 17:17:23 GMT -8
Ah, but how do you pronounce it? I'd love to learn Welsh. |
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jun 28, 2014 11:55:14 GMT -8
"First off, Mishael, shame on Kaiser for not giving you feedback on your chapter. Shame, forsooth!"
Did I really? Wow, how did that happen? I can assure you, it was completely by accident. I've actually done a lot of talking with Mishael about her character, and Kamina is among my favorite characters introduced thus far (Of course, it's hard to pick favorites among all of these awesome characters!) Regarding the snippet specifically, I think Mishael demonstrates fantastic wordplay. The details really spring to life with poetic vivacity. The circlet towards the end really stood out for me, it really came across as majestic and magical. Personally, I really connected with and enjoyed Kamina's story, and am intrigued by the questions you've raised. I can't wait to see where you're taking her!
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Post by Lenor on Jul 2, 2014 18:43:23 GMT -8
Well, my character snippet is up! And I'm sorry it's a day late (The Pro Procrastinator strikes again)! I didn't give it a ton of proofreading, so I'm not very sure of its quality. I hope you enjoy it! On a completely unrelated note, you said, Mishael, that you'd love to learn Welsh? You ought to check out saysomethinginwelsh.com. I'm using their (free!) online learning program. It's all audio, and I've found it really enjoyable and effective (not that it's terribly practical for me––I live in Texas). |
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Post by Drahcir on Jul 2, 2014 19:46:10 GMT -8
Cyphir, I was going to change my username to uppercase, but now that you've said something I'd say it's just grand and perfect. Ah... yes... um... Look! *points* A distraction! *runs off to put mk's name back to normal* |
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Post by mk on Jul 2, 2014 19:53:10 GMT -8
Cyphir, I was going to change my username to uppercase, but now that you've said something I'd say it's just grand and perfect. Ah... yes... um... Look! *points* A distraction! *runs off to put mk's name back to normal* Hahaha - I was wondering who did that! No worries. It's funny that I could've sworn I put the username in uppercase (despite Cyphir's convictions, I'm not a complete grammar slob). It's really just a joke - as long as the characters are recognizable English letters I don't mind how big they are. |
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Post by Mishael on Jul 2, 2014 20:14:15 GMT -8
Oooh, thank you, Lenor! I will definitely check that out. *website saved* I remember looking up some Welsh language studies a few years ago after I had a chance to visit Wales, but I didn't continue it. I just remember how to pronounce a few words (like Cymru, the Welsh name for Wales). I would like to try it again. |
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Post by Iron Kaiser on Jul 2, 2014 20:56:49 GMT -8
Louisa, fantastic character snippet! Lady Brandia (Should we call her Brandia, or Amaya, or even Dolson?) is an absolutely fantastic character! There's so much that your character brings to the table that's really excellent! First, we get to see a Kennisalian perspective, as well as a Ryn one. She's nobility, which is an entirely new perspective, and she's a Ryn Shadow, which is just awesome. And the fact that she's going into Ridgewood for far grander purposes (IE, to stop Kennis) than simply for the cash or otherwise personal reasons only adds to her uniqueness and the potential she brings to the whole world. I'm extremely excited by her inclusion and potential.
On the writing itself, I love how you weave your details through the story. For example, the fact that you slowly describe her changing clothes throughout the dialogue, and how her dress becomes more and more Ryn, utilitarian, and dangerous - fantastic. It really does a great job mirroring Brandia's dual nature.
My interest is piqued on a few details regarding Brandia, which I'd love for you to share if you can. Not that you have to! I certainly understand if you want to keep some secrets, or want to reveal this stuff through the story. But this is definitely good stuff to consider, and if you've already got answers and are willing to share them, then fantastic!
First, the fact that she's half-Ryn is most intriguing, not only for the dual perspectives it grants her, but also the mystery surrounding her heritage. Wesslingstock and the Ryn have historically been on bad terms. I wonder if the Wesslingstock (now Kennisalian) nobility knew of her parent's Ryn origins, or of her own Ryn blood. If so, did she suffer a stigma from her fellow elites? If not, then her parents must have gone through some trouble to hide her Ryn background. Most intriguing all around.
Second, will Brandia be traveling into Ridgewood as Kennisalian nobility, or as a shadowy operative? I know the answer would change some things around for me, one way or the other, and maybe some other people, too!
Third, it seems clear to me that Brandia's part of the resistance, but which one? The Ryn resistance fighters, or the Wesslingstock one? The two resistance groups don't coordinate and are on bad terms with each other, despite their common goals (due to the bad blood that precedes Kennis, as previously mentioned).
I have a hard time believing you have no experience with RPs, Lousia. :{j Fantastic first entry!
I've PMed you about a couple of small details. Check your messages.
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I'm completely new to role-plays…and forums, so I'll likely need a bunch of directing. I'm really looking forward to this, though; Talland and all these characters have me intrigued. Hopefully I'll post my character snippet sometime today or tomorrow (I still need her name and a more solidified idea of how to introduce her). Thanks for letting me join in, everyone! This promises to be fun!
I spent five minutes staring blankly at the screen and then just said, "Gah, whatever - I'm going to bed." 
While I enjoy the incidental Poe reference in the username, I chose it because 'lenor' is Welsh for 'writer'.